To quote wiz khalifa, id like to say “WE’VE COME A LOOOOONNNGGG WAY, FROM WHERE WE BEGAN.
OH I’LL TELL YOU ALL ABOUT IT WHEN I SEE YOU AGAIN.
WHEN I SEE YOU AGAIIIN.”

Sorry i havent been posting or like… bothering to write a piece for the novel. Just got kinda depressed and/or had some episodes of ptsd but it’s all good! Gonna miss you guys. I’m gonna miss Maddys quirky and funloving charisma, i’m gonna miss Edmond always writing better and deeper than i can even understand, i’m gonna miss having to compete with Ally for laughs cus shes so darn funny, i’m gonna miss how Mrs.Gull was basically a stand up comic ¾ the time, i’m gonna miss Sophias smart and playfull comments and her even smarter and deeper writing, i’m gonna miss making jokes about the other kid named Brandon and writing letters to him (and never getting a reply cus they were mostly joke letters like “i hope you don’t ever try to fall asleep in a washing machine, cus it’s dangerous! Sincerely, yours truly.”) i’m gonna miss James, the most funky fresh funkster to walk the planet who understood comedy like a master, i’m gonna miss Brooke and her effortlessly witty and funny insight, and all her quirky but brilliant ideas, i’m gonna miss Noah, even though i never really knew you very well you seem cool and you voted for the table that one time and you made my day with that letter you wrote a while back, so your pretty funky fresh too, i’m gonna miss Camille, i’m actually kind of really dissapointed i didn’t actually talk to you very much cus the letter you wrote literally made my week, i literally still have it, you’re too kind :), i’m gonna miss kylee, who i don’t really know but you exist and that makes the class better, you also wrote me a letter at some point so thats extra nice points for you good job. I’m gonna miss Austin for being really familiar yet i cant quite place his identity, for being really smart and cool, and having a vague resemblance to simba from the lion king (i’m not calling you a hairy big cat, i’m just saying if they turned the lion king into a people version, you’d be simba. I’ll give you 5 bucks if you post a pic on ur blog of you with that red sauce smeared across your forehead.) I’m gonna miss Phoebe, Kiersten, Paige, Anna, Kohler, Seth, Amanda, Alex, and Abby too. Sorry i can’t say more about you guys, but it would feel really repetitive, it would go a little something like “you hecking jerks, not sharing your awesomeness with me how dare you not let me meet you, you awesome and talented human beings i genuinely think your going places!!!”
If ive forgotten someone in this, it’s not that i forgot you as a person it’s just that i don’t like you. I’m kidding, i think ive covered everyone if not most of them and if you arent in it it’s because my memory sucks. All y’all better take creative writing two and if you don’t i will hunt you down and fill your underwear drawer with angry lobsters. Goodbye (for now)…..i’ll miss you all 🙂

trigger warning: mildly reffers to violent scenarios as well as reffering to minecraft as “a kids game” for the sake of rhyming. i also call Alex a hoe.

Listenin to my bro watch minecraft vids

Feel like i’m gonna pass out

When u hear that creeper bout to wipe you out

He sits watchin minecraft videos, 

Not helping as he uses too much tp to wipe

Gonna clog all the toilet pipes

I saw toilet paper at the store,

And felt all the hype.

But someone tried to grab it from me

So i hit them over the head

With a large flat screen tv

Minecraft is so violent, smh.

I should blow up his computer.

Then minecraft will be dead 🙂

Just tryna help my bro,

Save him from those guys alex and steve

Alex, what a hoe.

I should get some sleep.

Instead of calling kids games characters hoes

Lil hemsworth out

Tell dad jokes every day,

Yo, yo, yo

Yep im doing one of these again.

Cus their ez and fun.

Rate how ez they are, id give em a ten.

Yo, yo, yo

It’s ya boy lil hemsworth, bustin out the rhymes

If cringe was illegal,

Id be put in prison for my crimes.

Tell dad jokes everday,

yo  yo, yo,

Tell dad jokes everyday,

Yo, yo, yo

Saw my son, walkin down the hall.

He said “i’m hungry.”

Then what i said made him start to bawl.

Yo, yo, yo

Tell dad jokes everyday

Yo, yo, yo,

Nice to meet you hungry i’m dad.

Want me to make you a sandwich?
Well i hope it doesnt make you mad.

When i say “poof your a sandwich.”

Yo, yo, (did he just rhyme sandwich with sandwich?) yo, 

Tell dad jokes everyday,

Yo, yo, yo

Did i just get a haircut you ask?

No, i got em all cut.

Now go get me my beer flask B)

Yo, yo, yo

Tell dad jokes every day,

Yo, yo, yo,

Poof your a sandwich.

Aight i havent been posting much cus reasons. (Covid fricked me up pretty bad)

Not really sure what to write. Just stay happy, do what you can to not get depressed, none of us are alone no matter how many miles are between us.

Sorry for how corny that was, just stay safe and happy everyone. ❤

Trigger warning: contains references to nudes and things like that. If you are a hardcore lamp expert however you will enjoy this very much.

I got one of those emails ya know? I don’t know if you’ve ever got one. It was like 

“Hey! Im candice! You’re a real cutie so click this link and see some pics of me naked!”

I’m not really down for that so i just replied 

“How’s Ferb doing?”
And she responded with 

“Good. LMAO.” (ya know, tryna make me think i’m funny so she can take my money)

So then i turn the tables, i say 

“Yo click THIS link if you wanna buy some lamps.”

So I send her a link to a site selling lamps and i spent the next half hour trying to just sell these lamps to her.

Occasionally id tease her a bit just to keep her interest in me as a customer I’d be like,

“Hey, i’d love to see some nudes but like real quick lets look at some lamps because that’s my kink.”

And she’d be like 

“Ok! Heheheheh!” 

Like I almost feel bad cus she’s just this struggling porn worker just trying to make some cash and I’m just wasting her time trying to sell her a lamp. Like she probably doesn’t even need lamps. She like has her lighting down, she literally PROFESSIONALLY takes nudes like she doesn’t need any more lamps. Nobody would even notice. There’s not gonna be like some porn showing and a guy will be like .

“Hey, nice lammmppp.”

It doesn’t happen. Maybe there’s like one weirdo who only notices just to like get her attention for a little bit. Try and make her think he’s not just into her for the porn

“That’s a nice body but hey, is that a France hand painted and signed Circa 1915 antique lamp?”

“Yes it is! You’re so sweet to notice!”

No, their eyes are elsewhere. Nobody cares.

But i’m sitting there thinking to myself “if i can sell her a lamp, i am legit going to become a salesman. Like that would be frickin insane.”

Like I didn’t even come close. But i knew that if i did, i would be a LEGEND. Like maybe I could flip the tables. porn peeps send emails teasing nudes i’ll just start sending emails like 

“Hey, i’m ken, click this link if you wanna see me with a vintage 1920s lamp, going for only $19.99”

Not really. I wouldn’t. I’m just messing with this chick but it was amazing lol.

I’m not saying you should open those emails though. Like seriously don’t you could get a virus. (insert coronavirus joke) but like if you’re really clumsy and you open one up and like you’ve already tripped just about every tripwire you could trip and set off every trap you could than i highly encourage you not to look at the nudes, just try and sell them some lamps buddy.

Stay gold Ponyboy, peace out.

It’s hard to be happy. Somehow people manage. At least to fake it. But if you fake it long enough maybe you’ll be so fortunate as to go slightly insane, that way your forced smile becomes a real one. And you’ll think life is great. I might’ve hit the opposite however. 

Can’t do anything, can’t see the things i took for granted, can’t experience the things i thought i was gonna.

 This’ll be the death of me. Not literally, save your sorrow for those who do, for the graves of those that weren’t fortunate enough. They need your sorrow and attention, don’t let their memory fade away.

 Fate isn’t always a nice guy is he? He isn’t picky. Or maybe fates dead, killed by some epidemic long ago and now there’s just some universal raffle for who goes and who stays. 

Probably not. I am religious after all, but it often seems that way. Especially after your brain turns to mush from not eating more than a small breakfast for 2 weeks and not sleeping for 3. That’s when delusions and hallucinations set in, at least for me.

Fun times. I’m not depressed. It seems a lot of people here are though, for them I wish the best. if it helps, know that it’ll add more soul and more depth to your future writing.

For me the most it did was give me a nice little memory where I was dead convinced that everyone hated me, even my girlfriend no matter how many times she said she loved me. Again, not depression. Just a mild hallucination episode where no amount of logic could sway my malfunctional brain.

I’m really not sure where i was gonna go with this. I can’t believe you even read this far. It seems more like just a mildly sad ramble about the new quarantine life than any real writing. But whatever, stay happy. Look at a picture of a panda. Have a nice day. ❤

So first we start out with the single celled pickle, but then over many many years of evolution that pickle evolved into what we scientists call a multi-many-much-celled-pickle. This pickle slowly evolved and competed for resources in a large pickle and dill filled ecosystem.

This is where our story begins.

Here we find the prehistoric pickle-icarus. Pickle-icarus is the apex predator of its ecosystem. 

(note it’s large teeth and front facing eyes. Paired with its long fins perfect for swimming, the pickle-icarus was truly quite a threat.)

Watch here, we can see as the pickle-icarus spots its prey… the humble pickelvore.

The pickle-icarus readies itself to strike…..the picklevore, due to it’s incredulous stupidity, has not yet noticed that the pickle-icarus is 2 inches from it’s face.

The pickle-icarus waits for the opportunity to strike. It takes in the water through its nostrils which convert it to oxygen. This is the prehistoric version of modern day gills. The pickle-icarus continues to watch and breath into the picklevores face. The picklevore blinks and forgets to open up it’s eyes. This is due to it’s incredible stupidity. The pickle-icarus strikes.

The picklevore screams for it’s mommy as the pickle-icarus lunges. It’s strong jaws clamp around the picklevore and quickly ensure it’s immediate death. 

The humble picklevore is no more.

Over time, the pickle-icarus grows legs and lungs and an intense interest in gardening, the pickle-icarus learns to walk on land. 

Now it has become what scientists call the “protopickle.”

The protopickle, as seen above, soon takes to abiding in the trees. Look, here’s one now.

This one is covered in large pickle-fleas. Witness as it grooms itself, utilizing it’s pickle fingernails to remove the fleas. The protopickle is very busy.

Over time the pickle becomes dumb and lazy, they decide by unanimous vote to lose their legs and arms and eyes and face and basically anything that was ever interesting.

And that is how we got the modern day pickle.

important people, stop being dumb!
i need my toilet paper if y’all were smart you would make toilet paper delivery the fourth emergency service.
also, stop being orange. im still trying to quit Cheetos and your making it really hard.
important people stop being dumb cus your making us average dumb people angry.
also I’d appreciate a law where foot fetishes don’t exist anymore.
that’s all i had to say cus i cant think of anything.

This is for extra credit, and i already wrote it for another class anyway sooooooo yeah.

it was 6th grade, and i was quite a loud and random boy, on the brink of being funny but still more nonsensical than really witty. but that’s not to say ive gotten much better either.
we were supposed to make a sort of Claymation project. Naturally, being 12 years old and inhumanly weird, we decided to make a short film about Batman fighting Dora the Explorer to the death. It shouldn’t have gone well. our team had me in it after all. but aside from that, the dynamic wasn’t exactly a good one. we had one boy who we will call Steve, he had a wide arsenal of skills and talents, but lied more than on occasion in an effort to be cool. we had a girl who we will call Sarah, who was, well, just as strange as me. to give an example she claimed she dated a watermelon for 2 years up until it got ran over by the school bus. she once asked me to marry her to which i gladly replied “YOUR A FART FACE!” and ran off as all my friends giggled and ran around chasing each other.
elementary school was weird.
we also had a girl we’ll call Jessica who was like super uptight but i didn’t like her much so we wont talk about her.
strangely, we did a pretty good job. i helped make some of the figures alongside Jessica and Sarah, and Steve helped actually animate it.

I’m not sure who won, but i have a feeling it might have been Dora because why the heck not.

yes there’s still more. i can honestly cruise off of this thing for like another 2 weeks lol.

Then those objects propelled themselves in a speedy fashion on their legs abroad, what would the female speak! With big crashes, vertical velocity upward, and roundhouse kicks, and with vertical velocity upward, and big crashes, and all categories of morally incorrect cozenages.

And i spoke “i do not have rejoicings towards the manner in which they engage in childlike activities! If female parental matriarch had capacity to witness this, oh.”

Then our Osteichthyes spoke “witness! Witness!” and our Osteichthyes shivered with fright.

“Your female parental matriarch is upon her pathway to the domain! Do you listen? Oh what will the female perform upon us? What will the female speak? Oh. the female will not have ecstasy to discover us in this manner! So do a thing in speedy fashion!” spoke the Osteichthyes. “Do you listen? I witnessed the female! Your female parental matriarch! Your female parental matriarch is in close proximity! So as speedy as you are capable, mentally produce a concept of a thing in which to perform! You will have to receive unburden of object singular and object plural!”

So as speedy in fashion as i was capable, i advanced hinder my mesh of catching small creatures, and i spoke “with my mesh of catching small creatures i have capacity to receive those objects ultimately!”

Then I allowed downward my mesh of catching small creatures. It entered downward with a plunk! And I possessed them!  At concluding! These couple objects had to cease then i spoke to the feline “in this present moment you perform as i speak. You bundle those objects and steal them distant!”

“Oh disarming!” said the feline.

“You did not have rejoicing in regard to our activity of childlike fun… oh disarming. Fie a disgrace! Fie a disgrace! Fie a disgrace!” then the male closed upward the objects in the hollowed out cube with the hook. And the feline advanced distant with a woebegone category of face.

“That is morally correct” spoke the Osteichthyes. “The male has expired distant. Affirmative. But your female parental matriarch will arrive. The female will discover this voluminous dishevelment! And this dishevelment is so voluminous and so profound and so vertically upward. We fail to have the correct amount of capacity to reorganize. There is zero habitude at any capacity!” 

And then! Whom was hindermost in the domain? 

Why the feline! “Have zero distraughtness of this dishevelment.” spoke the feline adorned in headwear. “I invariably reorganize the maximum number of my childlike activity objects and so i will demonstrate you another morally correct cozenage that i have knowledge of.”