Chris Hemsworth It News and Stuff

(sorry for all my faces and headlines but i didnt like that it was showing all the images i had in the post as the featured image so this will block that out just scroll past it)

hello welcome to Chris Hemsworth It News and Stuff. here is Chris Hemsworth it and co-anchor Chris Hemsworth it

Chris hemsworth it: welcome to Chris Hemsworth it news and stuff. lets start this off with a commercial that hooks you in entirely to an idiotic yet strangely attention grabbing headline.

“do you know what your fingernails are made out of? here at Chris Hemsworth it news and stuff we are uncovering the conspiracy/big deal made out of nothing that doctors may or may not be trying to cover up! and we think the result will literally invoke an emotion from you. here is a tiny out of context snippet from a guy who looks like an expert to further convince you without ever giving any certifiable information but we edited it to sound dangerous.

doctor: if you told me that fingernails are exactly what we thought they were then it would cause me to die of laughter . we really have no real need to hook people into this strange news segment your doing. in fact i really must inform the public that this is FAKE and not to be listened to whatsoever“

Chris: welcome back. turns out finger nails are exactly what we thought they were. phew. thanks for tuning in for that potential emergency. now lets move on to the weather, take it away Chris

Chris: hello, so for the forecast we are expecting minor clouds and sun blockage. it should probably be a good week, you can go out with the family- wait, no, sorry there’s a change of plans it is literally raining corona virus now.

but no worries. just stay inside your houses and everything will blow over. back to you chris

Chris: indeed. now lets talk politics, but first lets have a combination of horns and light drums that sound almost exactly the same for every news station to signify our change of topic.

BUM BUMM-BA-BUMM!!!!

Chris: we have news on the monster in the white house, after being accused of being a mutated orange Donald Trump evolved and is now a 15,000 ton monster with flame breath. here’s Chris on the scene.

Chris: hey, so it appears the presidential monster is now attacking the city.

Chris: i did not notice that. thank you for that feedback -genuine smile.- how are the people reacting?

Chris: the people are all very happy because he is actually doing less damage to the country this way.

Chris: i see. considering his sudden transformation is there a possibility of further evolving?

Chris: absolutely not. in fact im so positive that i would bet my first born- never mind he has lazer eyes now.

Chris: wow. good ol Chris. i always admired his ability to stay calm during emergency.

Chris: that’s right Chris.

Chris: wonderful. now lets take a look at the corona outbreak. we have here a man who says he was effected by it everyday for the past 13 years and finally figured out how to get rid of it. he believes he can help stop people from getting it entirely.

“it is easy. just stop buying beer. comprende senor? :D”

Chris: ok…it seems we’ve had a mix up with a Mexican beer company. apologies for the misunderstanding.

“i am still getting paid yes?”
Chris:…..yeah.

Chris: now allow me to turn and look at you all very dramatically while straightening my papers. -dramatic stare-
this has been, Chris hemsworth it news and stuff. good night.