Trigger warning: contains references to nudes and things like that. If you are a hardcore lamp expert however you will enjoy this very much.
I got one of those emails ya know? I don’t know if you’ve ever got one. It was like
“Hey! Im candice! You’re a real cutie so click this link and see some pics of me naked!”
I’m not really down for that so i just replied
“How’s Ferb doing?”
And she responded with
“Good. LMAO.” (ya know, tryna make me think i’m funny so she can take my money)
So then i turn the tables, i say
“Yo click THIS link if you wanna buy some lamps.”
So I send her a link to a site selling lamps and i spent the next half hour trying to just sell these lamps to her.
Occasionally id tease her a bit just to keep her interest in me as a customer I’d be like,
“Hey, i’d love to see some nudes but like real quick lets look at some lamps because that’s my kink.”
And she’d be like
“Ok! Heheheheh!”
Like I almost feel bad cus she’s just this struggling porn worker just trying to make some cash and I’m just wasting her time trying to sell her a lamp. Like she probably doesn’t even need lamps. She like has her lighting down, she literally PROFESSIONALLY takes nudes like she doesn’t need any more lamps. Nobody would even notice. There’s not gonna be like some porn showing and a guy will be like .
“Hey, nice lammmppp.”
It doesn’t happen. Maybe there’s like one weirdo who only notices just to like get her attention for a little bit. Try and make her think he’s not just into her for the porn
“That’s a nice body but hey, is that a France hand painted and signed Circa 1915 antique lamp?”
“Yes it is! You’re so sweet to notice!”
No, their eyes are elsewhere. Nobody cares.
But i’m sitting there thinking to myself “if i can sell her a lamp, i am legit going to become a salesman. Like that would be frickin insane.”
Like I didn’t even come close. But i knew that if i did, i would be a LEGEND. Like maybe I could flip the tables. porn peeps send emails teasing nudes i’ll just start sending emails like
“Hey, i’m ken, click this link if you wanna see me with a vintage 1920s lamp, going for only $19.99”
Not really. I wouldn’t. I’m just messing with this chick but it was amazing lol.
I’m not saying you should open those emails though. Like seriously don’t you could get a virus. (insert coronavirus joke) but like if you’re really clumsy and you open one up and like you’ve already tripped just about every tripwire you could trip and set off every trap you could than i highly encourage you not to look at the nudes, just try and sell them some lamps buddy.
Stay gold Ponyboy, peace out.
Chris HemsWORTH IT!!! 