little kids and all the whales.

I used to have a child education class. Why would I do that? Well because I want to be a professional mom when I grow up, obviously. Kidding, I couldn’t be a mom. Heck, I couldn’t even give birth. Mostly because I’m a man. but still! I’ve had a kidney stone though, so basically i gave birth to a baby if by baby you mean lifeless rock.

 I switched out of the class. Granted, I was kidding about the mom and kidney stone thing. Mostly. But still I actually and genuinely enjoy children.  (ya hear that ladies? I am husband material!!!) but I just didn’t really get to see them a lot. And when i wasn’t in here with them, we literally did nothing except sit there and listen to the group of valley girls in the corner talking about really “interesting” things like all the different nail colors Kim Kardashian uses on the weekend. Wow, could I BE more intrigued?
(the answer is yes. A million times yes.)

 I’m gonna miss the kids though. They were cute.
One time, there was this kid who brought a little stuffed dog and I was like “what’s his name?” and he said “Dork.”
“Dork?” i asked

He looked at me like I was trying to eat cake with a straw. 

“No,” he corrected. “It’s Dork”

“Dork?”
“NO!!! HIS NAME IS DORK DARN IT!!!!”
“Ok listen here you little shiz-” (kidding, i didn’t say that. I simply tossed him through the window. Kidding again. mostly.)
“Oh. that’s a cool name.”

The kids mom steps in to clarify.

“He means Duke”

“Oooooooooh.”

“Yes! Dork!” the kid said squeezing his little stuffed canine.
    In this class, we do not watch the kids alone, no no. if we did then i would have found a way to accidentally collapse the ceiling on top of them some way or another. Instead, (thank gosh) we had co-teachers to help us.

“What do you do with Duke?” my co-teacher asked.

The kid beamed.

“He is a real dog! He does real dog things!” 

“Wow, like what?”

“Well, like a normal dog, duke plays fetch, licks things, and can fly.”

“He can fly?” my co teacher asks.

“Yes! Like batman!”

“I didn’t know normal dogs could do that.”

“What you never seen a dog just yeeting itself through the stratosphere before?” I added sarcastically.
The co teacher rolled her eyes.
“Show us! :D”
“Ok!” the kid said before promptly yeeting his dog into the ceiling and dumping us with ceiling dust.

“Wow that’s awesome.” I said trying to be supportive.

“Normal dogs do that?”

I looked at her “of course! Do you not use your dogs to clean the ceiling?”
“Nope.”
“Or it paints the ceiling. Depends on how hard you throw them.” 

(thank goodness the kid didn’t understand that lol)

My co-teacher ignored me and knelt down next to the kid. 

“Can duke run fast?”
The kid grinned from ear to ear.
“Yes! He is as fast as flashing people!”

“WHAT!?”

The kids mom walked back in to clarify.
“He means The Flash.”

“Ooooooh, do ya wanna show me how fast he can run, little guy?”
The kid exclaimed “sure!” and then set down the dog and started running in a circle a few times before face planting into the carpet.

“Wow your fast. BUT THAT’S NOT WHAT I ASKED WAS IT!?!?” (kidding, i’m not THAT bad of a person.)

He was adorable. Stupid, but adorable. Kids are just great. After that, we brought out a bunch of little animal toys for them to play with. But like the saying goes: “kids have the brains of a lifeless rock.” (people say it trust me. maybe.)

We brought out a bunch of little animal toys for them to play with. They all had the same game. They’d bring me like 7 of the same animal and be like “whats this one?”
“That’s a whale.”

“Oh. and what’s this one?”

“That’s also a whale.”

“Oh. What about this one?” he says holding up the one he started with.

“Still a whale.”
“What about this one?”

“That’s a sea lamprey” I say sarcastically.

“IT’S A SEAL LAMP!? .0.”

“No… it’s a whale.”