i sat on a spider today.
You right now: WHY!?
look i didnt TRY to sit on a spider i like didnt even know untill i stood up and my brother was like “you have a spider on your @$$”
i hate spiders. first off, they have EIGHT eyes. do you KNOW how many eyes that is?! thats EIGHT eyes! According to my math spiders have SEVENTY SIX more eyes than the average EVERY ANIMAL.
think of it like this,
they have like 4 eyes on each side of their face. that adds up to a total of
TOO MANY FRICKIN EYES.
reason 2
NORMAL animals have 4 legs. but spiders have more than TRIPLE that! in fact, the average spider has more than 7.6 BILLION legs! and each one is as hairy as mine!
another thing, spiders can FLY. this isnt one of my exaggerated jokes, spiders can legit fly.
no joke, spiders fly with their buttholes. they let off some of that gross silk stuff like a kite and the wind proceeds to yeet them through the sky.
normal bugs like ants see a human and are like
“-Arnald Swartsniggar voice- GET TO DA CHOPPA!”
but the spiders just like
“bish i AM the choppa!!! peace out cheesebags!!!! -fly away-“
my other problem with spiders is probably how wide spread they are.
there are spiders living in ALASKA.
ALASKA!
HUMANS dont live in alaska!
fact: there is ONE humans living in alaska.
spiders are EVERYWHERE!
sure, people know that spiders are in brazil and australia, but spiders are also indiginous to all seven planets of the solar system.
yep.
thats true.
i read it on this no nonsense real news site called “we are fake.com”
and thats just the solar system. we dont even KNOW how many spider planets there are in the milky way!
in fact, i read on a math website that there is an estimated “too many”
of spiders.
heck, theyre even on the MOON! thats why Neil Armstrong and Buzz Lightyear faked the moonlanding. they heard about the spiders up there and were like “bish no. we’ll just do it down here where we’re safe.”
jk the moon landing was real. cus Neil KNEW that buzz lightyear could protect him if things got hairy.
thats why they made such a big deal about “one step on the moon is one giant blah blah blah”
he was stepping on a huge spider! and boy was he proud.
“BUZZ! BUZZ! look what i did! i killed dis big spider all by myself!”
“ha ha! good job Armstrong! im proud of you.”
look, i get that spiders are a part of the ecosystem and crap. i just wish i could get something our of their lives. like if we could milk them for dairy products.
“this had better not be goat cheese.”
“no worries! its SPIDER cheese!”
“heck yes! i love spider cheese.”
So yeah. The end.
Chris HemsWORTH IT!!! 